Monday, December 14, 2009♥
Technically, 4.10AM.. wee hours already. &i just got back from my two-days trip to M'sia with the whole clan. the whole clan includes 10cousins, uncles, aunts, papa, brothers &grandma. we travelled together which made everything a whole lot fun. but what we, esp i missed alot was Devan. we seriously had to leave thambi back at s'pore (relatives@TPY) because bringing him equals to too much exhaustion running behind. haha! of course not that but haven't gotten a passport for thambi yet. okay so yaa, we left on friday midnite > back only today which technically is a monday morning. but trust me, something was still holding me back from letting go of all the thoughts. &it feels like it only got worser. what made it all the more worst was what happened mins before we left m'sia. i realised i haven't been myself for long now. i haven't been talking properly nowadays. i don't feel at ease even a bit. its been long since i talked to pria. its been way long. & i learnt hw to hold back alot of happenings that is capable of hurting deep down badly &bottle them up, saving up for god-knows-what. like i thought everythng will be the best right after my Os. it feels otherwise. the next day itself, i was forced to let go off my beloved. started working which took up alot of time, straining the relationships between almost alot. yet work is not the worst afterall.but wheres the break? is what i'm asking for too much? will i ever get another chance to break open how my heart feels like? its getting too much for me to keep within. what do i do? though i feel i am only as strong until its kept within. &the moment its let go off, i become just as dependent. everyone knew the only one amiss during the whole trip was thambi, but only did i feel like another wasn't there too? &that its my mum. now, thats what family gatherings brings me to go back with. the absence, feeling totally deprived. thats exactly why i refuse alot of gatherings, keeping myself behind. i need a break, real one this time round. =(wishes everyone happier days ahead.
i truly miss you schoolmates.
and of course, studying &laughing around with 5N1.
Eva! there will soon be another time we get back for a gathering.
Blogged @ 4:06 AM