KomathiKunalan(:

Tuesday, June 30, 2009♥

Bloggieeeee! well, school was all so fine as usual. the crazy girls of 5n1,and our crazy stuffs as usual. you know what i mean uhh. not at the mood to actually elaboratee. damnnnn, i was actually feel ALL-SO-GOOD ystd and today, i'm like feeling like as though i was stepped on a million times. i seriously feel at my worstttttt. i don't really know how to say, how to explain, how to really express. as usual, i'm like just putting the innermost feelings thr, giving them no way to escape from me. never felt comfy doing that. firstly, my bio clock's totally screwed as in its alrdy goneeee. for the past two days i barely have more than 3hours of sleep which is of course not even enough for a day. and i don't get it why and how i'm still actually holding back myself. of course i can never if its something i want but i am because its something that's happening to me so bad. my backbreaking school days are making it worser. last night, i went to bed at about 12 and woke up at 3AM and was literally staring at the ceiling for the next 3hours brfore it was time for me to get ready to go to sch. is it me or am i hving some problem? even now, i'm a dead duck but i cld barely sleeeeep. i need serious help or what! next up, is my very own heart which is totally breakingggg down so badly. my heart's a bitch most of the times. i'm feeling so brokennnnn and i don't want to say why. as usual, my life's dying with me. &now that i don't have that bestfriend who would call me up to listen to my million stories everyday, i have more burdens to myself and thrs' no way i'm letting them lighten my heart even a bit! i'm doneee, i'm seriously, very seriouslyyyyyyyy DONE. i did give way to what i promised myself i would never ever, and thr i am seeing myself all so broken. like AGAIN! and this time round, i know thrs' no turning backs because ITS JUST THAT HARD! seriously it is. i'm actually feeling like as though i was brought to the most ever-so gorgeous dreamland and the next second i wake up to know its just a dream. seriously, its hurting within THAT MUCH. i can't really say, can't really express neither can i easily tell. i have to wait for manymore years to come before i could put all my words together to actually tell how it feels like. but one word to everything - DEVASTATED really badly. well, of course it has to be because it was like a dream come true and actually its not! well, i did tell pria once whilst we were in daddy's car, that we are always left to feel this way and this is how we're going to feel for the manymore times we build up hope to do it again. she scolded then. now with all guts, i wanna tell, YES I'M ALWAYS LEFT TO FEEL THIS WAY MYSELF. its a jumping to conclusion thingy, it cn be but it is anyway, the awful truth. i just don't know how am i to actually tell myself to act normal. my life's gone off the trackkkkk totally. Thambi's so far far awayyy that its been exactly more then 2weeks eversince i even heard about him. its wayyyyy toooo far away from me. and&&&, i miss mum. i know i always say i would never wnat to say this but end up feeling it at the end of the day. I really miss my mummm. i totally miss her. i'm actually missing someone who doesn't even spare a thought about us(brothers and me) even a second of a day. mum doesn't but whenever i'm feeling like cryinggggg reallllly hard, she's cmes to my mind. she's so farrrrrrr away from me. i don't get to see her everyday like everyone does. i don't get to talk to her like how i see everyone is. i don't even get to hear about her even a bit. she's that far awayyyy. &its really really really painful. now, this is also like a fashion industry now. one day ur all so happy, &the next its all gone. Fashion Industry. I seriously feel like someone just took away every bit of happiness from me in just ONE go.

Blogged @ 9:07 PM